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America's Golden Gladiators

 

 

 

 

CUE SOUSA MARCHING MUSIC

 

(voice backed with a lot of Monster Truck reverb) In association with Dr Jack Kevorkian and the Michigan Euthanasia Rights League, Aaron Spelling productions brings to you America's Golden Gladiators. Yeah!

 

See old people die on the battlefield with the dignity and honor they deserve. Root for your favorite superannuated warriors like Rheumatic Rambo, Mad Dog Methuselah, Dorian Greystoke, Ethel the Terminator, Grandpa Goliath, and Genghis Bone Crusher Shoemaker!

 

Yes, the population is aging but by god we'll treat our elders with respect, or at the very least make sure they're dispatched to Valhalla in a manner befitting their Viking forefathers. Yes! With a sword in their hand, a pike in their rib cage, and an ax in the forehead. It beats a tumble down the stairs doesn't it?

 

Yes, America's Golden Gladiators! New this season!

 

 

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