Cry in the Dark: The Series
FADE UP Oil's "Read about It"
VOICE OVER: A few years ago the motion picture industry brought you Academy award winner Meryl Streep in the heart-wrenching tale of an Australian woman who claimed her baby daughter was carried off by a wild dingo. Well, we here at White Label Humour knew it was way too cool of a premise to let go. So this summer we bring you Cry in the Dark: The Series. Each week the same Australian woman has a baby carried off by a different wild Outback animal or some far away evil political conspiracy.
FADE DOWN Oil's "Read about It"
EFFECT: Phone rings. Sound of person picking up receiver.
OFFICER: G'day. Maralinga Police Station, Officer
Wallabie Dundee speaking. Now slow down, ma'am. Just the facts, ma'am. You
say your baby has been carried off by a wild animal? What kind of animal,
ma'am? (beat) A rhinoceros? I'm pretty sure a rhinoceros is not indigenous to
No, it couldn't do that. It's an island continent, ma'am. Yes, I'm sure. No, they don't swim either ma'am. I am trained to know about these things. I'm an officer of the law.
No, ma'am we still haven't found your other baby that was carried off last week by the emu. No, ma'am, we've not found the baby from the week earlier which was carried off by the marauding tree sloth. Although, I'm in no hurry on that one. If the tree sloth eats the baby, its metabolism is so slow we can come in any place along the alimentary canal and save it.
No ma'am the baby carried off by the man in the hockey mask is still missing. We're dragging the lake. Should turn up any day. (beat) Mmmmmm... no ma'am. We suspect the striking Canadian truck drivers carried off you other baby. They still aren't satisfied their government is doing enough to keep them on a even competitive field with their American counter parts. So they're still holding on to the baby.
No ma'am we haven't found your new born that was kidnapped by the Irish Republican Army last month when they mistook him for a British soldier on holiday. There's a lot of that been happening lately, ma'am, so you'll just have to be patient.
I know, ma'am, if I had children of my own I could understand your grief but I don't so I can only do my job and hope for the best.
Yes, ma'am, we did find the baby that was carried off to aluminum recycling plant by the two men in the big truck. Now, ma'am, I hope you're sitting down. They claim the baby was left at the curb, sleeping in the blue recycle box under a pile of rusty cans with sharp edges. (beat) NO NO I'm not blaming you, ma'am, but I think you can see yourself by now a pattern of inattentiveness emerging. You should not have been using the recycle box as a crib.
Yes, I know we have to learn from our mistakes. No, no... we've not found that yet-another newborn baby which was carried off by those Roman centurions. Although, we're pretty sure we know on who's orders they were acting on. A bloke by the name of King Herod. He lived about 2000 years ago in Palestine. (beat) Yep, all the male infants under the age of two put to the sword. I thought you'd have heard of him, a nice church going lady like yourself.
Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am if we find anything I'll let you know. And keep in mind, ma'am you're still young. If it comes to the worst, you can always have more children, although I might put in for a transfer. Alright, love, you get some rest and let me take care of everything. G'day.