Ogg and Bogg and the Rad-dactyl Intellectual Fringe
The Ogg and Bogg characters were probably our oldest
regular characters. The first Ogg and Bogg script predates our show. I think
Terry wrote the first one when we put together a demo for CJAM's station
manager ("this is sort of what we want to do"). Ogg and Bogg were
Neanderthals. They belonged to the Clogg tribe. They mistakenly assumed they
were involved in a genocidal war with the intellectually superior/more
evolved homo habilis, although the homo habilis had died out long before
them. Strangely, our Ogg and Bogg skits presaged the emergence of the popular
genocide theory of human evolution, that the intellectually superior homo
CUE SOUNDS OF BIRDS CHIRPING
OGG: (chanting) Hell no, Ogg won't grow. Hell, yes, Neanderthal best.
BOGG: Ogg. What you do?
OGG: Ogg practice chant for Ogg's new protest movement.
BOGG: (snarl) Bogg want to know what Ogg protest?
OGG: Ogg not sure yet. But that not important right now. Ogg just content with being part of the rad-dactyl intellectual fringe.
BOGG: Bogg want to know. Why for Ogg want to be left-cave radical?
OGG: Well, Ogg concerned for environment. Tar pits are disappearing at an alarming rate. And in as many moons as Ogg has teeth, glaciers will be gone forever! Ogg think about petitioning tribal war chief, Clobber Bush, to spend more tiger furs on national parkland to preserve glaciers.
BOGG: Ogg so dumb! How does Ogg think Ogg can preserve glaciers when sun god grow nearer to us?
OGG: (snarl) Bogg offer valid argument. Ogg need time to think. Ogg have a hard time thinking. Bogg pass Ogg thinking club for inspiration.
BOGG: Here are your thinking club, Ogg.
OGG: Thank you. (whack) Ouch. (whack) Ouch. I see vision. (whack) I see glaciers preserve called "hockey rink".
BOGG: Hockey rink? Bogg never hear that word before!
OGG: Ogg never hear of it either. Give Ogg second. Ogg tell you what it is. (whack) Ouch. Hockey rink is big cave filled with flat glacier. Big Cloggs tribesmen called "Red Wings" or "goons" slide around glacier and beat each other with clubs. Then when goons are gone, little Cloggs come into hockey rink and watch heavy metal tribe do war songs. And they hit each other with clubs too
BOGG: Sound like fine family entertainment. But how does Ogg think Ogg can keep glacier from melting in cave?
OGG: That why Ogg need to protest. Ogg need research grant to figure that one out.
BOGG: What for Ogg think tribal war chief give Ogg more tiger furs, especially after Ogg spend most of last year's research budget trying to develop electrolysis?
OGG: (snarl) We not argue again about aesthetics!
BOGG: Yes let us not argue. Thinking hurt Bogg's brain. Neanderthals given strong arms and powerful legs to fight with. Not think! Thinking for sissies. Thinking for homo habilis.
OGG: Bogg shut up with war talk. Ogg must think how to keep cave cold. (whack) Ouch. (whack) Ogg see another vision. (whack) Ogg see stars. (whack) Ogg see red flowing before Ogg's eyes. Ogg think he need sponge to soak up blood flowing from forehead.
BOGG: Bogg have idea. Why not Ogg use Ogg's wife to help keep cave cold. Ogg wife very frigid!
OGG: Ogg not think that funny! Ogg think Bogg can help Ogg think. Ogg think Bogg think better if Ogg hit him with thinking ax!
BOGG: No! (whack) Ouch