Letters from a Canadian Nut

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The Letters	The Responses
To the Toronto Star: Can a person get a paper delivered with only the desired content?	A Response from the Toronto Star Circulation Department
To the Royal Architectural Institute of Canada: What's the deal with public bathrooms?	A Response from the RAIC's Membership Administrator
To President's Choice: Mr. Choice, can you be less choosey and give us a cheaper line of products?	A Response from a President's Choice Customer Relations Specialist
To the Toronto Transit Commission: Regarding tile work and station naming	A Response from the TTC's Customer Service Supervisor
To Birks: Idea to educate single men not to hit on women who wear wedding rings	A Response from a Birks Customer Relations Assistant
To Air Canada: an idea to replace in-flight movies with live actors	A Response from an Air Canada Customer Relations Representative
To Jump: A trampoline maker has a special request for an upscale Toronto restaurant	A Response from Jump's Director of Operations
The Unanswered Letters
Institute of Canadian Advertising: Great Canadian what?
Woman's Television Network: An all-male fan club needs a motto
Chapters: I only want to read new books! Not this Jane Austen crap!
Cineplex-Odeon Corporation: Do I have to pay admission for my (non blow up) friend?
Canadian Broadcast Standards Council: How come I can never catch that damn show?

Letters from a what?

A number of years ago a series of books came out called Letters from a Nut. They were penned by the enigmatic Ted L. Nancy. Many took this to be the pen name of comedian Jerry Seinfeld. "Nancy" wrote a number of crazy letters to major corporations, restaurants, casinos, and public institutions, making some form of odd request. For example, he wrote to a number of hotels wondering if it were possible he could rent a room and install his own pop machine, since the pop machines in most hotels don't offer him the selection he normally enjoys. He published his letters and the rather confused responses in the book Letters from a Nut. The book actually picked up from where the famous The Lazlo Letters left off in the 1970s. The Lazlo Letters were penned by Don Novello, who is better known these days as Father Guido Sarducci.

If you've not read Letters from a Nut, I strongly encourage you to read the series. I've not laughed at a book so much since I read the Old Testament. The book got me thinking, how would various Canadian corporations respond to similar bizarre requests? Much to my surprise, I got a pretty good response rate. About 80% of my nutty letters were answered in one fashion or another. I think my personal favorite is the response from the architects.

Yours In Peace

Theodore N. Tandum (aka Karl Mamer)

P.S. I don't live at 240 Keele so don't go there. You'll only find an angry Greek man with a shovel.